A year ago I received the first of many electro-shock treatments to induce time-sensitive seizures into my brain in order to adjust the chemistry in it. It was the beginning of my recovery of what was a very dark season in my life. Up till that time nothing had worked. The electro-shock treatments were a desperate last resort to set me free and keep me from permanently falling into a dark earthly abyss and dismal existence.
I disappeared from social life and Facebook. I couldn’t preach or write or minister in any way. I walked around like a zombie for months. They had to put me on heavy meds to fight the anxiety and depression.
About a year ago and four hospitals and several seizures later I called Carolyn from the hospital and she immediately noticed that my cognitive abilities were returning. I was making sense and reasoning well. My voice was clear and I no longer spoke in a whisper. Her heart leaped with hope and joy, as what the Lord told her was now manifesting.
“Lord, what about these electro-shock treatments? Should Bert receive them?”
“Just look at them as a substitute for ME laying hands on him, and My power going into him.”
Wow! It worked just as the Lord said.
God always meets us at our level of faith. Divine healing is the best, but you’re not a second class citizen just because you receive medical help. God is a loving Father and will
always work with you and what you can believe.
CAROLYN WAS GOING THROUGH HER OWN HEALTH TRIAL
By that time Carolyn also had over 40 radiation treatments and several surgeries to fix the damage it did to her leg. The radiation killed the cancer cells, but it fried her leg, too. Ha! She was hurting, and I was not around to help her. If it wasn’t for the love, prayers, and support of our special friends we may have fainted.
So there was not any kind of holiday spirit last year in our family. There was little hope and good cheer, as Carolyn and Daniel were just trusting the Father for my rescue and deliverance. At first I didn’t want to sign for my treatments because of the unknown factor. I had no idea about the effect of these electro-shock treatments, and if the side effects would be worth it. I wrestled with it for days as I continually refused to sign the form to have the treatments.
The doctor kept pushing me to do it. One time he even put his hand over my hand with a pen in it and pushed my hand to sign it. My reasoning powers were just not there and I lacked mental balance. The devil took advantage of my condition and got it into my head. He made me think they were trying to kill me.
NOW WE KNOW THE WHAT AND THE WHY
I’ve been very honest and transparent up until now, because I really, really want to help you see things more from a heavenly perspective. But here comes the wisdom of God concerning our trials. Now I realize many trials people go through are self inflicted and just due to a lack of wisdom and obedience. But some are no fault of your own, but there is a higher purpose. And if you can find that purpose, you will go through it with a sense of hope and rejoicing. Initially you have to make peace with the unknown or what the Father has kept hidden from you. That’s where you must cultivate an unshakeable trust in Him.
Here we are a year later and now we know the what and the why of this hellish attack. For the longest time, though, Carolyn and I had to live with the unknown. We cried out to God for months with no answer. There was no known sin or disobedience in our lives that we knew of. Our marriage was sound and there was love and agreement. How could the devil just attack us this way? How did he gain access?
LIVE RIGHT, LOVE WELL
We try to always guard our hearts and live this way, and give no place to the devil, as the Word instructs us. We continually check our love walk and watch our words. We do our best not to let any corrupt communication come out of our mouths—either in the form of criticism, gossip, or slander of any kind. We immediately repent when we murmur and complain. We refuse to harbor any ill will or animosity in our hearts against anyone. Unfirgiveness is not allowed in our hearts or home.
So you can imagine the confused and befuddled state we were in during a good part of this trial. But then a word of wisdom came to Carolyn again from the Lord. Oh how I praise God for a prudent wife who hears from Him!
“Your husband is a John the Baptist type of preacher, and this is an attack to cut off his head and silence his voice.”
Boom! Bam! Light! Revelation! Now that Carolyn knew, she could fight the good fight of faith. And a good fight is one you always win. Haha! Up till this time we were fighting a bad fight and felt like we were barely hanging on. But when the knowledge of His will came, faith was there, and we started to fight a gooood fight.
Why do you think I’m constantly writing now and my love walk is so much deeper, and revelation is flowing? Because after suffering comes a greater anointing and glory. There are blessings for the overcomer, both in this life and the next.
The devil tried to keep us out of the last phase and most fruitful phase of our calling. The Father made that plain to us. Now that we were armed with His perspective on this trial, we could overcome. The enemy had been found out! When the early disciples witnessed the resurrection it was over for Satan. They came out from fear and hiding, and soon became unstoppable!
This is where the Spirit of God is taking His remnant people in this hour.
“In order to stop me Satan, you gotta kill me!” And you can’t kill me until the Father says my work on the earth is finished and it’s time to go home to
my reward. Glory to God!
When fear loses its grip on you, there is nothing the devil can do!
THE APOSTLE PAUL AND HIS TRIALS
Satan was allowed to buffet Paul, the apostle, lest he should get puffed up concerning the abundance of new covenant revelations he received.
Look at these marvelous scriptures that much of Western Christianity knows nothing about.
“And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)
How could Paul now boast, and take pleasure in his infirmities,reproaches, needs, persecutions, and distresses? Let me explain how I now understand this.
When God begins to use a person in revelation and power it becomes easier to put confidence in your flesh. But when your back is against the wall and you’re pleading with God for relief from the attacks… if you trust in the sufficiency of His grace, it all works in your favor. You see, Paul’s great wisdom was to rejoice in his trials so that he could put more dependency on the Lord and not on himself. In this way, the glory and power of God could rest upon him.
GOD KNOWS OUR HEARTS BUT IT MUST BE PROVEN
God knows our hearts, but it must be proven, and tried, to be found true, and bear witness in heaven of our lives on the earth. The angels rejoice when our hearts are tried and found true. They rejoice when one sinner surrenders and repents, but they also rejoice at every act of consecration the saints make. In persecuted lands the saints prove this out every day. But in the West it has not been so. It is now the great purpose of God to do this work in us to see and to test what is in our hearts. I could write another book just on this theme because I have enough light on it now. What a difference e a year makes!
Now by no means am I comparing myself to the apostle Paul. I’m a little pea shooter compared to the grace that was given unto him. But we are admonished in Scripture not to make such comparisons for each man can receive nothing unless heaven gives it to him.
Job is the Old Covenant example of a man whom God gave permission for Satan to test, and in the end he passed with flying colors, and now stands as one of the highest representatives in all of heaven whose heart and life on earth proved faithful and true to the Lord. That has become my life’s passion in all I do. May it be yours, too, beloved! It will bear witness into the millenial reign and throughout all eternity. May you walk worthy of your calling so you can be found blameless.
To be continued in yet another book perhaps…
Abundant grace to you in all your trials.
What a difference a year makes!